The rise of a new ideology: Is “THAT GIRL” that good?

I was scrolling down on Instagram the other day and there was a reel that caught my attention saying “POV: your bf just got you the it girl headphones” with the shy emoji.

The “it girl” headphones? What’s that now? I ask myself

We have pretty much all seen it everywhere since 2021. That Girl. The It Girl. The Alpha female who “doesn’t run in packs, she is often alone, keeps her circle small, knows her power and works in silence”, as a viral tiktok sound says.

One thing I like about tiktok videos or instagram’s reels is that as much as they give us a distraction from the world, we are still connected to it and we can always extract some social “phenomena” to analyze and study. Today we focus on “that girl” and we try to follow a path of mainly philosophical, social and economical deconstruction to understand whether or not she has an impact on us, is she as good as she pretends to be or is she driven by something much deeper than the shallow lifestyle she offers to her followers on social media platforms?

Although the concept of the It girl ( or “that girl) has witnessed quite an interesting rise those past few years, I judge necessary to define it to people who are not familiar with it ( or her? Depending on how you see her, is she a concept or a person?)

In essence, that girl is someone who has life all figured out.

She’s the girl we have seen all over social media. She wakes up and sleeps early. She is the girl who stays at home to recreate herself. She goes to the gym or her pilates classes, makes lemon juices, green smoothies and salads, all types of pasta and avocado toasts every single day.

Her feed is made of a mixture of beautiful colors that blend smoothly capturing videos and photos of her daily activities and life, a life so calm yet so lively.

Her job is usually something she is passionate about and that gives her a feeling of fulfillment, she has a fine sense of fashion, she loves accessories, she is obsessed over self-care, skincare with lots of quality products and gua sha and frequently applies the “clean girl make up” or “no makeup makeup” and the sleek bun hairstyle, she also enjoys candles, reads tons of pages of a book every night, goes out clubbing from time to time and enjoys traveling.

She takes daily long walks while listening to podcasts, she finds pleasure and joy in those little things one can do without finding any charm in them because we don’t view them with a perspective identical to hers or think about those things the same way she does.

And what is the secret to that, one can ask, it is simply by romanticizing daily chores and activities and by thinking of herself as if she was a main character of a movie that is her life.

If you have not noticed already, the “It Girl” is usually pretty and rich, more or less, financially stable and comfortable to say the least, which is an important factor and we will get to know why later.

She is the perfect embodiment of self discipline, a picture of composure, of balance; of social life, private life and work. She is the reincarnation of modern power as she gets to plan her day the way she pleases and it usually goes just as she planned it to be, the day obeys her to do lists.

She practices gratitude and some sort of alleged minimalism, manifests the good things onto her life and she is fond of journaling and law of attraction.

“That Girl” has pretty much all of those elements in her life, some of them are variant, slightly, and others are constant and are what make her; her and make her life worth vlogging about.

After watching her content, we can feel a temptation, a longing and an itch to have that sort of life. Watching her becomes a part of our day, a type of soothing, comforting, relaxing and appeasing satisfaction because everything about her is aesthetic and pleasing to the mind even when it gets repetitive, she gives us the feeling of stability and peace. Although it is easy to be carried with her videos and to be overwhelmed by calm and pacific feelings that her content inspires, she manages to give us strong emotions as well, especially the feeling of empowerment and a boost of energy; seeing her have full control over her day gives us an urge and an inspiration to do more, to be more, as wanting to be in control is in our human nature and an instinctive innate character that we all crave and seek to have.

“Belief in one’s ability to exert control over the environment and to produce desired results is essential for an individual’s well being. It has been repeatedly argued that the perception of control is not only desirable, but it is likely a psychological and biological necessity. “

“In fact, animals and humans alike demonstrate a preference for choice over non-choice, even when that choice affords no improvement in outcome reward.”

“Humans demonstrate similar patterns of negative affect in response to the removal or restriction of choices.”

“Recent neuroimaging studies have demonstrated that choice recruits neural circuitry involved in reward and motivation processing.”

Extracts from “Born to Choose: The Origins and Value of the Need for Control”, a work of Lauren A. Leotti, Sheena S. Iyengar, and Kevin N. Ochsner

As for me personally, that urge and desire to be more in control grew bigger during and after the pandemic, a state of absence of control with the lockdown and as we were obliged to do things out of our desire and everything was not under our personal control, it is no coincidence that the “that girl” aesthetic has seen life after the pandemic.

We are totally driven by an impulse to be more like her, she is a push for us to create an identical aesthetic to hers and recreate her kind of way of living. We feel the necessity to generate a continuation of her life style and project it onto ours.

We are witnessing what the 20th century western philosopher and founder of “Phenomenology” Edmond Husserl called “Intersubectivity”, a fundamental notion that somehow explains our attachment to “that girl”. The intersubjectivity concept highlights that there is a sort of bridge between us and others, what is personal and what is shared. There is a common background that guides us towards having a better understanding of the presence of an interconnection among us as individuals and the effect we could potentially have on each other. The Husserlian Intersubjectivity is argued and highlighted mainly by the feeling of empathy that allows us to put ourselves in other people’s shoes and more importantly the ability to understand and share feelings with other individuals and that is exactly what the “It girl” does for us. She creates for us this imaginary and virtual “safe” space, where she shares her life with us through her lenses to make us see how her life looks like and how it is lived with the touch of an internal perspective.

“It is argued that for Husserl intersubjectivity is more than shared or mutual understanding and is closer to the notion of the possibility of being in the place where the Other is. Furthermore, intersubjectivity is the source of objectivity and not always or necessarily something to be achieved or negotiated through verbal communication or other means.”

Abstract from “Husserl, intersubjectivity and anthropology” by Alessandro Duranti

All of those points that we have mentioned and talked about so far seem to be good things about the “it girl”, so far nothing seems to be wrong with her or with her content. But let’s try to decompose her a little bit more and dive deeper in her persona.

“Who would buy the Dauphine? (the name of a recently released Louis Vuitton bag) I think a woman who is fun and elegant and modern and classic and intelligent, all of those thing at the same time” Deepika Padukone for the new Louis Vuitton campaign

“To all the women and girls over the world, we are more powerful than ever before and we have the opportunity to have our voices heard and participate in the world in way that was never possible before. We have limitless potential.” Karlie Kloss for the new Carolina Herrera perfume “Good Girl” campaign

We have mentioned earlier the “that girl” thinking of herself as a main character. She is the person all the lights go towards and she is the center of attention. How does she do that? Remember when we said the “it girl” is usually rich? Well, her financial comfort is something that helped the rise of the “it girl”, in her vlogs we see her use those fancy items that strike our attention.

Dior lip oil, La Mer creams, LANEIGE products, Rare beauty make up products, Lululemon jackets and bras, emotional support water, Olaplex hair products, alo hats and matching sets, classic Chanel bag, Dior tote bag, Prada headbands, Gucci belt, Yves Saint Laurent red lipstick, eyelash extensions and a never ending list of fancy products and services that help the “it girl” construct herself and appear in the best of ways.

When we watch her content we are overwhelmed by the desire to purchase the products she has because she embodies an “Ideal I” and although Jacques Lacan discussed this concept as a phase that infants go through, it has later progressed to include humans in all ages, as the quest for an accomplished and fulfilled self is perpetual. Basically, the “it girl” is an image of perfection that we try to emulate and how? It’s with the internalized belief that buying the products that she uses is a one way ticket to being like her. As Alice Cappelle said “Buy a product, buy a life style” and I remember myself very well thinking of getting the Dior lip oil at a time where i knew I didn’t need it and couldn’t afford it but somehow I believed it was worth it because I was going to be THAT GIRL and my mental health will benefit from it as well.

This new culture, concept or aesthetic however you would like to call it, is a new ideology and the expression of a social Darwinism that was born to serve capitalism. It’s the expression of an ideology that was created to ensure our continuous slavery to an economical system that feeds of making us feeling like we are less than others for not purchasing things and it renews its methods to make us actually purchase those things by feeding us ideas such as “that girl” or having a better mental health by buying, or that we become a new image of ourselves when we get that product.

And because not everybody can afford “that girl” ‘s budget for clothes for example, industries that harm our planet and environment and do not respect basic human rights flourish such as the fast fashion industry like Shein and Fashion Nova.

“Being an elite is not a mere possession or something "within" an actor (skills, talents, and human capital); it is an embodied performative act enabled by both possessions and the inscriptions that accompany experiences within elite institutions (schools, clubs, families, networks, etc.). Our bodily tastes, dispositions, and tendencies are not simply something we're born with; they are things that are produced through our experiences in the world. Not only do they occur in our minds, but they are things we enact repeatedly so that soon these performances look less and less like an artificial role we're playing- a role that might advantage us- and instead look more and more like just who we naturally are.” Shamus Rahman Khan

“That girl” ‘s economical status is a privilege as well for her in this matter because being able to plan the day as you wish is indeed a privilege and a luxury that the middle class cannot afford for several reasons like having to work full time jobs. This bitter realization that it is impossible or hard to achieve her life style is a sort of constant invisible pressure that we continue to feel even when we turn off our phones; it makes us ask ourselves questions such us why can’t I live somewhere else? How do I change the sun’s position for me to be able to have that beautiful color on the walls of my apartment during sunsets while I cook dinner? How do I stop feeling tired after a job that consumes me? How do I find time to work out or read books? Where do I find friends like “That girl” ‘s friend? etc, and in a lapse of time, what was once comforting is now pressuring, an intersection of two lines of a same reality that is at once soothing and coercing.

Controversially, we can say that “that girl”, especially those who vlog about it, are in a sort of trap, a designed prison in which they are condemned to recreate the same routine everyday in order to maintain their followers and somehow basic living becomes a job for them.

I am certain the born of the “It girl” could have been genuine and it spread as a trend among people, not just girls or women, but when capitalism enters the chat, things start to take a dark turn and become more harming than beneficial, making us believe things such as “the it girl headphones” as mentioned in the beginning of this blog. Headphones are headphones; they all function the same way. Moreover, a lip oil from Dior will unquestionably not fix the way you feel about yourself and getting the Dauphine bag will not make you a brand new intelligent and modern person.

It is certainly just a matter of time until people realize that all of this is just new (smart) marketing, leading us to wonder, how will capitalism tactics and ideology mutate once again to fool us? What insecurities will be taken profit of in the future? And what could be the new insecurities that will rise and make us believe that we are less for having them? Because I find it quite funny how we are in a time that constantly generates new ideas to be insecure about. And although it is not the topic of this essay and it barely is related to the subject, I feel the need to precise that I am personally so done with what I believe is marketing as well, it’s the speeches about “accepting ourselves as we are because our imperfections are perfect.”

They are not, that is why they are called imperfections.

I have never paid attention to stretch marks, fine facial lines, hip dips or not having a sculpted jaw line and other so called “perfect imperfections”.

But when we are told that we do not have to worry about those things, it is then that our attention rotates to them and we want to find ways to “look better” by falling back on plastic surgeries and expansive creams that most of the time offer empty promises.

It is surely not easy to live in an economical system that thrives and prospers by feeding on our insecurities and it is even harder to become immune to it.